Feeling something different...

A sweet gem - Millions, from the director who brought us Trainspotting and 28 Days Later, a movie about a little boy who came across a bag of money and all he wanted to do was to help all others with the newfound money. Go see it if you get the chance, I had tears in my eyes during most parts of the movie. I'm such a softy [no, not in that way!]! I knew I wanted to see it when I first came across the trailer about 2 months ago, and it's well worth the wait. Was gonna get the soundtrack a few days ago, but it won't be out yet 'til next month. Ugh.

The last track from the movie is called Nirvana by a group named El Bosco, and it reminded me of this boys choir Libera - the sound is pure and angelic, sooo not like me. Give it a listen.

[The presence of] Children are ever so powerful and naive in their own rights. You just gotta love them!

Image: Fox Searchlight

I don't write good stories, cuz I don't have the tolerence nor I have the patience. Seems like my mind always wanders to too many random places, yet in slow mo. Paradise is yet another one of my fave stories which I posted it about 2 years ago. If you happened to be the few that got the X'mas CD, it's on that too, among other things...

This piece is a bit long, but in the end, it does have a 'good' ending. I don't read too much cuz for me, a lot of times it causes confusion. Prolly not a bright reader either cuz I think I tend to disect a lot of information too slowly - like a sleepy manatee. Anyway, I find Paradise sublimely melancholic.

If life is what you see is true, therefore what is not to see?

--

Ahangar was a mighty swordsmith who lived in one of Afghanistan's remote eastern valleys. In time of peace he made steel ploughs, shoed horses and, above all, he sang.

The songs of Ahangar, who is known by different names in various parts of Central Asia, were eagerly listened to by the people of the valleys. They came from the forests of giant walnuts trees, from the snowcapped Hindu-Kush, from Qataghan and Badakhshan, from Khanabad and Kunar, from Herat and Paghman, to hear his songs.

Above all, the people came to hear the song of all songs, which was Ahangar's Song of the Valley of Paradise.

This song had a haunting quality, and a strange lilt, and most of all it had a story which was so strange that people felt they knew the remote Valley of Paradise of which the smith sang. Often they asked him to sing it when he was not in the mood to do so, and he would refuse. Sometimes people asked him whether the Valley was truly real, and Ahangar could only say:

"The Valley of the Song is as real as real can be."

"But how do you know?" the people would ask, "Have you ever been there?"

To Ahangar, and to nearly all the people who heard him, the Valley of the Song was, however, real, real as real can be.

Aisha, a local maiden whom he loved, doubted whether there was such a place. So, too, did Hasan, a braggart and fearsome swordsman who swore to marry Aisha, and who lost no opportunity of laughing at the smith.

One day, when the villagers were sitting around silently after Ahangar had been telling his tale to them, Hasan spoke:

"If you believe that this valley is so real, and that it is, as you say, in those mountains of Sangan yonder, where the blue haze rises, why do you not try to find it?"

"It would not be right, I know that," said Ahangar.

"You know what it is convenient to know, and do not know what you do not want to know!" shouted Hasan. "Now, my friend, I propose a test. You love Aisha, but she does not trust you. She has no faith in this absurd Valley of yours. You could never marry her, because when there is no confidence between man and wife, they are not happy and all manner of evils result."

"Do you expect me to go to the valley, then?" asked Ahangar.

"Yes," said Hasan and all the audience together.

"If I go and return safely, will Aisha consent to marry me?" asked Ahangar.

"Yes," murmured Aisha.

So Ahangar, collecting some dried mulberries and a scrap of bread, set off for the distant mountains.

He climbed and climbed, until he came to a wall which encircled the entire range. When he had ascended its sheer sides, there was another wall, even more precipitous then the first. After that there was a third, then a fourth, and finally a fifth wall.

Descending on the other side, Ahangar found that he was in a valley, strikingly similar to his own.

People came out to welcome him, and as he saw them, Ahangar realized that something very strange was happening.

Months later, Ahangar the Smith, walking like an old man, limped into his native village, and made for his humble hut.

As word of his return spread throughout the countryside, people gathered in front of his home to hear what his adventures had been.

Hasan the swordsman spoke for them all, and called Ahangar to his window.

There was a gasp as everyone saw how old he had become.

"Well, Master Ahangar, and did you reach the Valley of Paradise?"

"I did."

"And what was it like?"

Ahangar, fumbling for his words, looked at the assembled people with a weariness and hopelessness that he had never felt before. He said:

"I climbed and I climbed, and I climbed. When it seemed as though there could be no human habitation in such a desolate place, and after many trials and disappointments, I came upon a valley. This valley was exactly like the one in which we live. And then I saw the people. Those people are not only like us people: they are the same people. For every Hasan, every Aisha, every Ahangar, every anybody whom we have here, there is another one, exactly the same in that valley."

"These are likenesses and reflections to us, when we see such things. But it is we who are the likeness and reflection of them--we who are here, we are their twins..."

Everyone thought that Ahangar had gone mad through his privations, and Aisha married Hasan the swordsman. Ahangar rapidly grew old and died. And all the people, every one who had heard this story from the lips of Ahangar, first lost heart in their lives, then grew old and died, for they felt that something was going to happen over which they had no control and from which they had no hope, and so they lost interest in life itself.

It is only once in a thousand years that this secret is seen by man. When he sees it, he is changed. When he tells its bare facts to others, they wither and die out.

People think that such an event is a catastrophe, and so they must not know about it, for they cannot understand [such is the nature of their ordinary life] that they have more selves than one, more hopes than one, more chances than one--up there, in the Paradise of the Song of Ahangar, the mighty smith.

Text: Idries Shah - Wisdom of the Idiots

I haven't got much time to take any pictures lately, but thanks to my dear friend Bridie, I have her permission on posting one of her gorgeous pictures... and I adore this one. It's a fresh look at Griffith Park here in Los Angeles, with all the rain we've gotten from last month, one can barely recognize it from the picture. With a city in the distant, the image seems oddly quiet and serene.

Moving on... I have an endoscopy procedure early tomorrow morning and that means... Woohooo! A 3-day weekend! I'll keep busy tho, just not work. Alec has the day off tomorrow so we'll be looking at more houses. We need a lot of luck in this seller's market.

Yesterday when I was driving, I was listening to a song by Anita Mui and at one point she sings: "...when we're young, we don't realize that we're in a dream. And when we finally wake up, that's when we go back to once where we belong." I've listened to the same track many times before, but last night it struck me a certain way and I find the words really poignant and touching. Cried a bit. Laughed a little. While stuck in traffic.

Moving on again... Here's something to listen to while you're looking all the foliage. By David Darling, called Darkwood IV: Dawn. Soothing. And we shall get more rain this weekend.

Are you happy at where you're at? Are we ever? I look at my current job condition and I asked myself: "Can I do better?" "What if I were doing something else? What would that be?" "Do I want to?" Now is never the right moment, yet now is always the right time. If one breaks out of its shell, one can fall flat on his/her face, or he/she might rise above and beyond. I gave that a little thot today when I was at work.

A coworker of mine hasn't driven a motorbike for years, and yesterday he told me that he got a chance to drive one this weekend... What a great feeling!! He also took a jab at the art of welding with a help of a friend... Isn't that just wonderful? Learning something new... One might not like it, who knows. Maybe it's a start of something new?? So what am I good at? Hmm... arranging flowers? definitely not! Cooking? Maaaybe! Lap-dancing? Weeeeeeee!

Timing is crucial.

Has it been 9 or 10 days? Feeling dizzy... Been very busy doing this and doing that. Even have been neglecting to write a few email in reply. Bad Rah-burt.

Saw my folks this weekend, helped them out with some things and for grandma. She's so weak, but she can still get around a bit. I drove her back to my brother's place to get some of her belongings back. when I was holding her hand, she clung on to me every step of the way, she felt as light as feathers. :-( And today at work during lunch time, a coworker and I went to Target. She was getting some lotion and on the other side of the aisle there were some Dr. Schall's products... I remember I used to buy my grandma foot products for her corns and calluses [sorry if I'm grossing you out!], but it's kinda sad now since she stopped asking me to buy them... I guess the older you get, certain things just don't matter much, and I'm thinking she prolly doesn't even feel the pain anymore. Tho I still buy her lotion and Efferdent tablets. :-)

So what else is new... hrm... It was Alec and I 6th anniversary on Sunday, we almost forgotten about it 'til we were watching a program on TV the night before, and the 2 couples were asking each other: "So, how long have you two been together?" Thanks Sushil and Preston again for remembering. Sweethearts. By the way, Alec and I are in the process of looking for our first home/house! Mortgage, woohooo!!

Changing lane. The other day I was driving on the freeway and this one guy sorta cut me off without even signaling, so I thot I would do the same to him just to 'teach him a lesson'... But alas, right after I did that I was thinking, maybe he was doing exactly the same thing cuz somebody did that to him... BUT I didn't do it!?! So at that moment I deducted life's either powered by karmic energy, or maybe it's just one big chain reaction after another... Hmm... so I sped off.

Lastly, I went CD shopping cuz this particular disc wasn't on iTunes, or that I just couldn't find it. This one particular song reminded me of a friend of mine, Kiel... I would categorize it as sorta bliss-pop'ish and I find it even a bit solemnly beautiful... Elrich Schnauss' On My Own, hope you like it. So far for the past 2 days I have been playing this track over and over... It's a shoegazer's dream... Feeling woozy...

For Love, For Jon, For Love?

This poster looks small here, but it's actually measures ruffly about 3' by 6' - It's huge but it's rolled up right now, plus a few others. More soon! Have a grrreat weekend everyone.

For Jon!

Sometimes I think that life is like a dream... And when someone close to you dies, it's like your dream is being taken away, and in time, you start to rebuild it again, piece by piece... I never know how to react to death, but I think I know how I would feel... Helplessness, confused, and I would question the entity of life itself - again, but I never know what to do, and what to say. I will just be. Seems like everything is appropriate and not.

If life is such a beautiful thing, then is death the complete opposite? Stand by for life. What if everyone is given a certain amount of time to live, say 29,200 days, maybe then we won't regard life as profound as we do now, least not as significant. No? Our days are numbered, would you want to know how much time you have left? What if you have a terminal illness? I guess everything does have its pluses and minuses, and there are always more than 2 sides of every thing.

Life is a miraculous miracle and I believe that no one ever truly take theirs for granted. Fun-knee enough, it reminds me of our childhood game of Hide and Seek...... And if one happens to think about it, then the magic is gone.

Choose a band/artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band: Lush

Are you male or female:
Monochrome

Describe yourself:
Lovelife

How do some people feel about you:
I've Been Here Before

How do you feel about yourself:
Heavenly

Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend:
Ciao!

Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend:
Sweetness and Light

Describe where you want to be:
I'd Like to Walk Around in Your Mind

Describe what you want to be:
Light from a Dead Star

Describe how you live:
For Love

Describe how you love:
Nothing Natural

Share a few words of wisdom:
Tralala

Thanks mate!

Does love ever die? Does it fade? Can it ever be replaced?

I thought I loved some things, but recently I realized that I don't feel it as strongly as I used to. It was bit of a downer. The moment I realized it, I felt solemn and a bit dumbstruck. It was an odd feeling indeed. I thot: "What happened?!?" Obviously my feelings have changed over time.

Maybe I'm just making room for something else.

Getting grocery, doing laundry, paying bills, going to work, taking my medicine, the rain, the sunsets... Y'know, it's like nothing seems to matter anymore when knowing your loved ones are growing old, growing frail, towards the end of life...

My grandmother was in the hospital recently [she fainted] and ever since she got home, she's been really weak. My mom told me last night that grandma hasn't really been the same...

Today while on the freeway, I drove by downtown LA and saw a Chinese New Year parade on the bridge above, and then I wondered if she's going to make it to next year...

I've never met my grandfather, and she hasn't seen him for almost 70 years now - maybe soon, maybe not - only time will tell. I believe, and will always remember, that life [and beyond] is truly a miracle, and wherever/whatever she will be or become, someday, I'll be there, too... and I find that comforting.

He looked like an alien, but sang like a diva. Klaus Nomi was one of 1980's most profoundly bizarre entertainers—a New Wave cult figure who sang pop music like opera and brought opera to club audiences. His "look" was so strong audiences went wild before he even opened his mouth. On the verge of international fame as a singer, he instead became one of the first prominent artists to die of AIDS. Director Andrew Horn tells Nomi's remarkable story—one of fame, friendship, betrayal, and a performer so unique he is still unforgettable even twenty years after his death.

Text: Palm Pictures

--

I know I've written about Nomi before... but I can't believe it, it's finally here! There've been talk about the movie a few years back, and now I'm gonna go see it this Friday! woohooo! Euphoria! When was the last time you were really, really excited about something? I'm like a kid again! Wait, I AM a kid! Look, a tribute! *...and I, got - a dress!*

I just watched the trailer [QT; 4.2MB] and it's been looping on my screen for the past 10 minutes [and I like the fact that the trailer was narrated by a child, heh!]! I was listening to Nomi's rendition of Der Nussbaum just this morning, and I was almost in tears. I felt really sad. Such triumph and tragedy in such a short time. As for the song Total Eclipse:

Last dance
Let the entire cast dance
Due to dismembered
Last dance
As we get atomized

...I just love that!! It's like in the very end, why not go out with a bang - and with style!! And so he did.

If you listen to 1 Nomi song, you prolly think "What the hell is this?!?" 2 songs, you'll really think that he's a friggin' oddball. 3 songs, confused and think "I still can't believe what I'm hearing!!" But if you keep listening, you'll eventually see the world that Nomi saw. I think for Nomi, it was more than about breaking boundaries, being different and avant-garde, or maybe performing just for the sake of eclecticism, it was about self-discovery, finding your true inner being and for once, and completely, not being afraid while doing it. Living the life!

"It's so simple!"

--

TOTAL ECLIPSE
Big shots
Argue about what they've got
Making the planet so hot
Hot as a holocaust

Blow up
Everything's going to go up
Even if you don't show up
In your chemise Lacoste

Total eclipse, it's a total eclipse
It's a total eclipse of the sun
Welcome to this
With the total eclipse
Just a slip of your lips
And you're done

Fallout
Nobody left to crawl out
If someone calls we're all out
Turning into French fries

Last dance
Let the entire cast dance
Due to dismembered
Last dance
As we get atomized

Total eclipse, it's a total eclipse
It's a total eclipse of the sun
Welcome to this
With the total eclipse
Just a slip of your lips
And you're done

Total eclipse, it's a total eclipse
It's a total eclipse of the sun
Welcome to this
With the total eclipse
Just a slip of your lips
And you're done

Anybody's going to see the Cocteau Twins? My friend Stuart W. emailed me this morning about the them playing at Coachella this April... I thought about it and I want to go, but I won't.

But I would definitely go see Lush if they ever regroup, but not the Twins. I'm such a traitor. This time around, a 2hr drive out to the desert... I'm just too old for this schitt! And the animation? Just something random.

Music: His Name Is Alive - Are We Still Married? [Dirteater mix]

Looking thru my old wallet, found my favourite 'fortune' from years ago. I loved it so much I kept it, and I'm still loving it. Makes me laugh.

So much for the road eh? Oh and notice the numbers on the back of these fortunes? Are they supposed to be lotto numbers? Yet they never specify which is the mega number! Sheesh! Good weekend everybody!

Music: Gus Gus - Starlovers

Originally trained as a painter, Ms. Lux continues to draw influence primarily from paintings by Old Masters, including works by Bronzino, Velasquez, Goya and Runge. This influence is especially apparent in Ms. Lux's compositions. Structuring the photographs by carefully choosing the models, costumes, and backdrops, she usually composes the works digitally "to make them meet my ideas perfectly," she says.

Ms. Lux uses her own paintings in the backdrops, and photographs the children separately, divorced from any social setting. The artist then places the subjects into the background, digitally enhancing various aspects of the image, including the costumes, subjects and settings. The effect is of isolation and distance, which Ms. Lux explains as a basic experience of human existence. This distance shifts Ms. Lux's images outside the normal realm of portraiture.

Lux's photographs of children are not portraits in the traditional meaning of the word. Rather, she sees them as imaginary portraits which deal with the idea of childhood as a paradise lost. The carefree, innocent childhood ideal is explored in the photographs as an imaginary kingdom, one which is created more by the projection of adult ideals and concerns. The images, portraying self-aware children, are about the discovery of the self, or the development of a concept of one's self. "We are radically alone and forced to choose our own path and create our own authentic life, but the self is a mystery." says Lux.

Photos: Loretta Lux; Text: Yossi Milo Gallery

--

My friend Bridget invited me to PhotoLA yesterday and there were plenty to see. [I also got in free - Woohoo!] A good few pieces really appealed to me [I'm sure there were a whole lot more, but I'm quite jaded!!], especially Loretta's work. I've always loved photographs of children, happy ones at that...

Children are always, always wonderful subject matter do you think not? From the heart, they're pure, gentle, sparkly and effervescently enigmatic. How can anyone resist?

Music: Brian Eno - Discreet Music

Last night I was listening to This Mortal Coil and I can remember so much from my old days [I dare not say 'youth' cuz I wasn't that young then; ok, 21 years ago, 17 years young!]. Those 4AD import double albums kick'd some serious butt!! With attention to every detail... the photography, the design & layout, the typography, the printing and the pressing, the packaging and the music all in one ensemble / package was simply amazing!! One would have to see it to believe it.

I remember listening to their music would just take me worlds away. In a dark and soundless room [mine usually], I would put on their records in low volume and drift off... I believe their music does take a bit to get used to, but once heard, you'll be hooked. I wouldn't categorize their music as strictly being sad or depressing [most would agree], even though sometimes it can be dark and brooding, but in my eyes [and ears], it's nothing but ethereal bliss. Beautiful & poignant. It's my perfect music. My life was transformed.

Their music had reshaped my way of thinking and on how I see my worlds, yet still today, and I can say that they are, and will always be, my favourite band of my time. Rock on!

Wow. I don't know what to think! It just doesn't seem right to me at the moment, or am I just being a bit harsh?!?

You know when you're just simply 'doing' things of the ordinary... Basic mundane tasks like walking, driving, reading, washing dishes, etc... While you're acting out that certain something - at times when you think about it - isn't it nice that you're not able to think about 'other' things at the same time? I like that. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think the brain can process multiple thoughts at once.

I know that there's a certain time and place for every thing [tho prolly 99.9871257481% of it, we will not live long enough to experience!], but while one's occupied on a certain something, it's just great not to feel the 'flipside' of things, in that duration of time at least. So other than my original thought stated above, maybe when one's doing all the boring stuff and thinking, in actuality, at the same time your brain is subconsciously formulating a wicked scheme otherwise?!? No?

Talking about thinking [sounds kinda fun-knee! heh!], it seems to me that my overall actions and thoughts are geared toward a single direction, eg. from Point A to Point B, is there any other way to go about? More like, if you are doing 'this' and moving this-one-way, what exactly is the parallel thought to that? [Well I guess if one's all doped up, that's probably another story entirely.] Today I watched people doing some menial tasks at the office, photocopying, writing an email or just getting coffee, and I would be all watching... getting a sneaky peak on things and 'seeing' them thinking, or not... It's wondrous!

Do you think our thinking process travel in an uni-direction? I don't know. Rather than images, if you could see a thought in its form, what would it look like? Some kind of energy wave prolly! So partly, this was what went on in my head today. My head hurts! I don't know what it all means, I'm a silly puck, but I know I'm gonna think 'til I bleed one day! *Hey, I'm doing that right now!!* Um... If you have read / tolerated this far - thanks!

Originally I was gonna title this post - "Not Feeling It!"

Music: Bran Van 3000 - Everywhere

Was going to upload a picture of some flowers [x-rayed], but decided not to. Didn't feel like having 'em static, so this is just something I rehashed and tweeked. Seems so disorderly yet beautiful - such as life! I like brittle things...

And I also love a pretty, tangled mess!

Music: The Hope Blister - Friday Afternoon

There once was a boy that I knew, he wasn't too bright yet he wasn't too slow either, he was as simple as simple can be. He didn't laugh much and only cried here and there, yet as far as I can remember, he was a fairly decent lad.

He had a few friends. No one played with him much but he didn't mind. Somehow, he always found things to occupy himself with. I recalled his dad once gave him this stuffed animal. It was a teddy bear of sort, or was that a dog? I should have asked him to re-examine the beast.

The boy never threw a fit, he didn't know how, but I remembered when he did cry, and that only happened when he was terribly, terribly sad. As he got older, he did some really naughty things, he never felt the need to justify himself though, because he thought he wasn't hurting anyone really... Or was he?

As a young adult, he was never too exciting. But he was content. He knew that life was good, even with all the things that went on around the world and back, it never occurred to him that life was ever bad - EVER! The thought of that alone would be ludicrous! He was happy, he was sad, but he never cared too much about either one!

He [thought that he] fell in love and then he was out of it. He hated the ones he loved, because why would he give a shit to the people that he didn't care about anyway! Would you? *He never 'hated' anyone or anything really, but I just thought it would be neat to use the word together with 'loved' in the same sentence!* Everyone called him a crybaby! Then years later, he fell in love again, and this time, it was for real. And as real as real can be.

His entire life he was always so melancholy... Maybe it was a blessing? Maybe because it was the sunny weather?!? He thought about life frequent and frequently because that's all he could ever think about. He had his whole world in his head.

Years passed and seasons gone by and by... When he was still alive, I remembered him telling me again and again: "I lived a good life!" Many people do indeed, but not too many people realize it - truly.

He was a good man, and I think I miss him.