The Time Continuum
It's late and my head hurts from the coke and the [gas] heater... Friday I get to take a day off from work and take my grandma out to town... we'll be spending the day together and I'm so excited... Not the excitement that you get from hanging out with friends, or getting birthday presents or anything like that... [now maybe if they wrap my grandma up in X'mas wrapping... kidding!]
Anyway, my grandmother [from my mom side] is 91, 91 I tell you, I'm 36 and I don't even know if I want to live that long... it's crazy to even imagine or to think about it. She raised me up when I was very young [my mom and dad had to work during that time] and looked after me 'til my teenage years. She dedicated half her life with my mother/family... She's originally from Tai Shan in China, a not-so remote area of China, but the part where she grew up was quite the rural area... She got married [arranged] when she was 16, and had 3 girls, sadly my grandfather died about 9 years later of cancer, she was left with some money, the 3 girls, and her bare hands... From then on, she fought and worked very hard to make ends meet [like working for the Japanese at the time, and having to sell vegetables to the locals, etc]... She just worked and worked, all her life was nothing but work... All her possession now can fit into one little suit case, all 91 years in a box... I just think, what does one think about when you're 91, to simply stay alive, to sustain one's life?
So many stories, like the story of my mom and I visiting Tai Shan about 7 years ago, taking the 3hr van ride [unpaved road, of course] to the village, seeing my grandparents' old vacant house... My mother grew up there, and the neighbors that she once remembered, most of them were still there, greeted us with warm hearts and with tears in their eyes... They had the keys to the vacant house, so we had lunch at the house [everyone brought over chairs and tables] and people just started chatting and just talked and talked and talked [like any normal Chinese person would do! heehee!]... I walked upstairs to my mother's old room, just looked around, and looked around some more, and started crying... uncontrollably... Imagine seeing your mother, as the little girl that you never knew, playing in her room... the little dreams that she once had when she was young, the little treasures she made, and the games she used to play... all happened here, at the old house... And you're just standing there, seeing it all... The feeling was quite unbearable, it was so surreal... It was one of the most sadest and joyest moments I've felt in my life...
Anyway, this is getting way too long... I ain't no Amy Tan [oh yeah, Joy Luck Club, great flick!]. So tomorrow I'll definitely have a grand time with my grandmama... take her shopping a bit, dim sum for lunch, and just listen to her... I did that last time, just sitting alone with her and simply asking her a buncha questions about her past, she remembered everything from her youth... so amazing! A picture that I took of us together that day...
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We all have big dreams, maybe a high-end job with a good salary and a nice retirement package, a modern home to keep warm and to show a little style of our own, etc., but I believe for some, all their dreams are about taking care of people, their family, giving love and providing warmth by just working, working, working, unconditionally... It's such a noble thing for anyone to do, and to them, they don't think that's one bit noble, and that's what makes it all genuine about them... the simple truth.
In the end, whoever they are, your family is all you truly have... and we all grow old, so choose your purpose before it's destined...
Music: Sam Hui - [His oldies but very goodies]
Posted by robert at February 20, 2003 09:26 PM