Death & Ailments

I haven't been feeling well lately, I have a few ailments and at such an [fairly] early age... mostly hereditary, but I should eat better, too, for the sake of my health... I'm going to see my doctor this Wednesday.

One thing I hate about life, yeah 'HATE', is seeing people suffer in pain, whether physical or mental... it's just awful, the worse thing that anyone can witness, and a hell lot worse if you can't do anything about it!

I remember this one time, I was in so much pain, caused by an undetected kidney stone, no pain killer would work, about 45 minutes of non-stop pain, until Alec finally got me to the emergency room... that 45 minutes was just nothing but excruciating pain, the pain was so great my body revolted by telling it to vomit - nothing but this yellowy bile juice, it was just nasty... Finally I had to be knocked out with Demerol intravenously... Yet during the 45 minutes, I did have some time to think, and it just goes back to the stuff I often think about... Why do people have to suffer in so much pain and agony? Why am I at times in so much pain while other people are having their late morning breakfast? And when I'm out having a grande coffee at Starbucks, someone might be on his/her way to the hospital...

It's strange... when you haven't experienced 'excruciating pain' before [again, whether it be physical or mental], you wouldn't know what I'm talking about [yet I understand everyone has their own personal interpretation of what 'real pain' is!] but for me, that was close enough! I know the passing of a kidney stone is actually a pretty common ailment, but it was still painful. But as far as pain goes, could you imagine if you had to live like that everyday?

But people do, I believe that some people do live with it everyday, controllable pain... physical or mental... Like a loss of a child or a parent, cancerous cells taking over one's body, seeing your loved one in the hospital, drugged in morphine… it's just bad even to think about! Yet we all go through it at some point in life… It's a sickening thought! It's morbid thinking, but at times I think about how my parents would die in the final end, hopefully somewhat peaceful, something quiet… who's to say, but life is never that understanding… It's like, if my mom decides to leave us in her eternal sleep, my dad might not be so 'lucky'... Thoughts like that creep in every now and then. The passing of a loved one is never easy, something we must go through [and not get over] in life, something we must endure, 'til the end... How would I die? Everything dies, yet life goes on with or without you, regardless! All things die, yet life itself will probably live a long, long time...

Life has its meaning all its own.

Posted by robert at March 3, 2003 07:11 PM