Journey to The Center of Robert
Yeah, it was like a trip to inner space... Just came back from my barium enema x-ray procedure, and I thought I died and came back. I thought the Fleet 3 preparation was awful, this was bad, I mean waaaaaaay bad. I just got home right now and I'm still trembling, though not bad enough that I would lose my appetite... Before heading home I stopped by Burger King and got myself a Whopper combo, not an Ultimate Cheeseburger combo from JITB as I had planned.
So I got to the hospital and registered and everything. Called my name and as I walked in, a robe was given to me, blah blah blah, the usual.... [oh dear, my tummy just gurgled, probably from the left over barium solution] First they took a simple x-ray to see if my colon was clean, and it was... then out came the barium solution in this HUGE IV baggie... It was at least half a gallon, like 2 and a half bagful of the IV stuff, no joke... This giant bag filled with this milky white substance, attached on the other end was this long orange plastic tool-tip thingy, I was getting nervous. This bag-o-liquid was hung way up high, oh enter me slowly... The tech said "Oh don't be nervous, if you're nervous, then the tech gets nervous and that's not good!" Ugh...
He finally got down to the 'dirty business', that's what he called it. "Breath in, then breath out slowly... uh huh... breath in... and..." AAAHHHHHHHH! It was bad, I was shaking like crazy, and he was only half way in... that was probably like 3 inches the most, and then he pushed it in more, but this isn't even the bad part. Then the liquid came, I can feel a little pressure, just a bit... THEN he told me that he's going to 'inflate the balloon'... the balloon is attached to the orange-coloured applicator, midway sorta... and once the applicator is fully inserted, he pumps up the balloon to the size of, let's say, a good-sized plum to a medium sized apple, and that's big... as soon as that's inflated, that's when the pain gone awry... it was close to unbearable... in addition to that I felt this warm liquid filling my stomach, so unpleasant! The balloon, oh geez, the feeling was indescribable... you feel like you're all cramped up inside; overly constipated JUST IN THAT AREA; your bottom felt like it's been sewn up and you're about to combust any second.... I can bearly move cuz of the pain, and doctor wanted me to turn here and there... At least the doctor and the x-ray tech was very quick cuz they knew the patient was in an agonizing state... This went on for like 20 minutes... I wanted to cry, but couldn't... I wanted to throw up, couldn't do that either... I could take it, I'm a man [that's what they call it!]... I caught myself singing in a very low voice whenever I felt like I couldn't take it anymore, but then I could only muffle a few words...
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Posted by robert at April 24, 2003 02:16 PM