Many Worlds

Alec and I were in bed last night, lying in the dark, having our usual small chat before we fall asleep. We were just talking about this and that... then at one point, I got a little upset but then it went away, as usual. But before I finally fell asleep, it sure got me thinking though - that we're soooo different.

Our way of thinking, him being Caucasian and myself an Asian, and at times even our thought process seem so radically different. But we always work things out eventually, which is good. I've always thought to myself that I feel like I'm torn between the 2 worlds, an amateur of sort... I grew up in Hong Kong and moved to Los Angeles when I was eleven. Verbally I'm still very good with my Cantonese. I was pretty good with my Chinese writing and reading, then everything changed. I also learned a bit of English [British, but I was never any good at it!] back home but when I arrived here, the English here sounded so cryptic! I've always been called "BALL-bee", not "BAH-bee", oy! Remembering my sixth grade class, I mostly just sat there quietly and did my crafts [and played 2-square and tetherball, hee!] for the entire year... I was linguistically challenged obviously. Til this day, my grammar is still not up to par, maybe I just wasn't paying much attention, or that I was lazy?!?

So like I said, I felt torn apart, and I still do, but I never felt like I was missing out on things because of this. I don't ever recall regarding myself as a 'minority'... May it be that I'm Asian in this country, or the fact that I'm gay, I don't care... I've always felt that I'm 'equalled'... I'm just me, lil ol' me. I'm no less than you and you're no more than me [or is that 'no more than I'?]. You can be white, black, yellow, brown, red, or green... But I do feel more compassionate toward people who are in needs, as opposed to people who are able... Is that being prejudice? What makes you think you're better than the bum down the street, right? We all cast a shadow under the sun.

Anyway, back to the cultural differences, sometimes I feel like I can't communicate. It's difficult for me, but that's just the way it is. The 'gap' will always be there no matter, it can get frustrating at times but also yet challenging. I can study more, or take a creative writing workshop or even a human behavior/psychology course or something, I dunno... I may be a Chinese-American, but at heart, I'm still a bit more of a Chinese, than an American... Is that so wrong to say? The people that I associate with prolly think more of me being like a [yeah, you've heard this before!] "banana", yellow on the outside and white on the inside... but I think I'm just the opposite, hmm... maybe like a "poached egg"? Uh huh!!

Silly stuff, but that's what I was thinking last night right before I cleared my head and conked out.

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Music: His Name Is Alive - Library Girl

Posted by robert at February 9, 2004 07:02 PM