On My Way

I have a good 45-minute drive to work on the freeway. My class is tonight, so I didn't carpool today. Driving this morning, listening to the music of the Buddhist monks, thinking alone...

Have been listening to the chanting/music a lot lately. Dunno why... it's just soothing... Alec and I had talked about visiting China this summer, Beijing to be more specific. To see the Tian'anmen Square, Fobidden City, and of course, to take a long walk, on the Great Wall. For me, to see any of this is more than overwhelming... I wasn't born in China, but a lot of times I feel like that's where I truly belong. I've always, always wanted to see the majestic Wall... I remember once I had this postcard, it's an image of the Great Wall, on a somewhat foggy day... In the foreground there was this senior couple, sidewalk vendors I believe... A woman and a man, sitting by themselves, and having something to eat, without looking at the camera, just sitting there - thinking... Resting on a remote section of the Great Wall, and behind them, you'd see miles and miles of the wall outstretched. I've always loved that image.

Remembering the first time I went to China. I flew over with my mom and dad, but I spent most of my time with my mother alone cuz my dad had to go away to other cities to do business. My mother and I spent most of the time in the rural area of China. It was fantastic. Most parts you see cows and pigs and chickens running around, houses were merely lit by dusty old lightbulbs... People were poor peasants/villagers, but happy nonetheless. Remembering... A sense of place. I do feel a certain connection with China, I dunno why... I found myself crying in the car, thinking about a lot of things...

Everyone needs guidance from one another. As far as religion goes, I think I take in a little of this, and a little of that. But a lot of times, doesn't it seem like the bad always outweighs the good things in life? And the good stuff in life always seems so... fleeting... does it not? Almost everywhere you look, there happens to be pain and suffering all around... War, famine, poverty... a child being bullied in school, a teenager who has a drug problem, a homeless person, or a loved one suffering from a terminal illness... Life at times seems so discouraging...

But it just seems that way... Have to remember the goodness in people, and in life itself. I believe the genuinely good always shines... that warm sunshinny feeling always stays with you, whenever you think about all the good stuff, whether it may be a good deed that was done to you, or you to others... Think about yesterday and today, yet focus on what you can do today... It's not the beginning or the end that matters, it's everything in between, that's what counts. World turns for reasons...

Everything is dependent on the will of the self. With the sufferings of this life, one must strive to better his own conditions.

Posted by robert at April 15, 2004 01:52 PM