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What Does Your Heart Say

We all want to speak the 'truth', or shall I say 'would like'?... It's welcoming, comforting, a righteous thing to do. Feeling proud. We feel good about ourselves when we speak the truth... I've read somewhere that whenever one lies, it's only when one 'wants' something... What is it egg-xactly? I dunno, but whatever it is, it's something that one has to live with. Given enough time, may it manifest to something physical or mental... It hosts within you. Do you speak the truth? ...and that's all you can do.

You speak from the heart, yet one might still call that otherwise.

Perception is another matter. Your truth is white and mine is not. We're all very fun-knee human beings.

Music: Stereolab - "...Sudden Stars"

Happy Thanksgiving To All

It's most certainly the day to give 'thanks' to everyone, my grandmother for one. Now a days whenever I get to see her, she seems more frail and weak... I get a bit of that sinking feeling everytime, but I'm also blessed to know that she's still around. I'm forever fortunate to have such a loving person in my life.

And to everyone that I've come across this past year, in my lifetime... May it be a simple thought or a smile, every action has a parallel action. I thank you!

Matt Stuart

I think Matt Stuart is simply amazing. His love of photography [and humanity] is genuine. His work is playful, light-hearted, and whimsical with a dash of mystery. It's serious fun indeed. Thanks Matt.

Image: Matt Stuart
Music: Michael Andrews - Liquid Spear Waltz

Where Is My Mind

One morning last spring, Song decided he wanted to die. He gathered his final pennies, bought some pesticide and swallowed it. When he woke up in a hospital, a nurse derided him for being cowardly and a drain on medical resources. "The nurse told me not to waste her time," says Song. "She said I was so stupid that I couldn't even kill myself correctly." Upon finding out that Song had no money, she forced him to check out of the hospital the next day, even though his throat still burned from the poison. No one came to pick him up, because no one knew he was there. Even today, Song does not know what to call the dizziness and bad thoughts that continue to haunt him. He has never heard of the word depression. All he knows is that he is a failure. "I cannot go home now," he says. "I would be an embarrassment to my parents and they would lose face in our village."

Reading the article and seeing the photos [taken by Stanmeyer] today, gave me a sense of hopelessness no doubt. Many won't be celebrating the holidays.

It really makes you wonder...

Image: John Stanmeyer

My Prince Has Come

Oh sorry hunny, not you... it's the other prince, the Prince of Persia! Yeah, not gonna talk about world issues today [but when do I ever?], I'll just chat about this PS2 video game that I just got [Shallow? Who? Me?] Ah, yes, the prince... He's lean, mean, a bad-ass fighting machine, and sexxxy... and the best thing is, he's GAY and very acrobatic!

K, so he's not gay! But during the middle of the game, you do get to play him 'topless'! He loses a sleeve here, then the other, then the entire shirt... that's right, like a strip tease! O how his skin glistens... woohoo! Forget Lara Croft... she's a dud!

Image: UbiSoft

Expense Report

Everyone should file one of these on their next business trip. It's only fair! Though I'll prolly never get any work done!

Let me see... I would like 2 appetizers, 3 entrees and 2 desserts... to go! Is that too much to ask? But what about tips and gratuities?

In an elevator... Egg-cellent!!!!

Flesh & Steel

Re-listening to this particular song makes me go limber... Relaxed - inside a giant soapy bubble - in a pre-mature state. Remembering Mary...

SPINAL COLUMN
I got a spine so I can move around
It's so supple it gets me really high
It stretches, keeping "the man" alive
I got a spine so I can modulate
Also enables me to concentrate
The spinal column a flexible tool
It is harmless but very powerful
I got a spine so I can move around
I got a spine helping me "exercise"
I got a spine so I can move around
I got a spine keeping me oh so "sound"

Text: Stereolab
Version: KCRW Rare On Air, No. 3

Starlovers

Image: Otogai's Masturbator [Flash]

Hits!

And they're still making sweet sweet music!!!

Image: Jason Evans; erasureinfo.com

The Life Cycle

Yeah, but what are you gonna do about it?

Something good's gonna happen, innit?

Dunno. Something will happen eventually.

Something's gotta give, something's gotta...

You act all normal and shit though.

We all do, we all try.

And that's all we can do - is try.

You don't try, you Do!

That's easy for you to say, you ain't me y'know.

Oright, we'll just have to wait, and see.......

Happy Times

The other day while I was driving by myself on the freeway, I was listening to this old song by Lush [written by Stephin Merritt], I love the song... At then, I felt elated, happy - and content... A familiar tune...

It was a song about lovelorn and heartbreak!

Somewhat strange: Being happy listening to a sad song.

Caravan of Dreams

In one of the best tales of the Arabian Nights, Maruf the Cobbler found himself daydreaming his own fabulous caravan of riches.

Destitute and almost friendless in an alien land, Maruf at first mentally conceived -- and then described -- an unbelievably valuable cargo on its way to him.

Instead of leading to exposure and disgrace, this idea was the foundation of his eventual success. The imagined caravan took shape, became real for a time -- and arrived.

May your caravan of dreams, too, find its way to you.

Text: Idries Shah - Caravan of Dreams [Preface]

I've Been Enlightened

You know when a guy invites a girl [friend] over for a drink, or maybe just to chill, and the girl sorta has the notion that something might happen... hmm... like... like... SEX!!!!

So the girl brings over [most likely] a girlfriend of hers to accompany her just in case [whew!]... One might call the girlfriend a 'human shield'... but I heard the official term for the girlfriend is called - COCKBLOCKER! heehee! [Do I hear a threesome? woohooo!]

PS. Thanks for the tip Gleegirl, and Happy Birthday!!
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The Snow Show

Image: The Snow Show - Steven Holl & Jene Highstein's Oblong Voidspace

Downer

In me you'll see
Dirt flows freely
But you may find
That my thoughts are unkind

Pure life needs knife
Cuts off my life
But as you see
Hurting you you bless me

I always wanted to cry
After the act
Close my eyes
I always longed for the deep
Then I just wanted to sleep

Blood stream cruel dream
Never make clean
Down by my side I feel safe when I hide
So can you see that the thought are for me

Text: Emma Anderson

Middlesex High School

I feel better now, after my 3hr nap from 4.30 to 7.30pm. I definitely need my iron pills again. Haven't been myself lately, but when am I? Gotta get my system back on track.

Today wasn't as productive as I would like it to be, kinda flew by without a sound, like the rest of my things. I sit and listen to the same songs, I watch the same people go by, I do the same things pretty much day in and day out... I kinda like it. Yeah, I'm happy. No thrills, but somehow gotta havta jot some of it down. Dunno why. Writing things down adds a bit of grey to my life. Kinda like grabbing words outta thin air and putting 'em together in a puzzle. It's challenging to me, I like it, most times.

I don't want to lose any more weight again. I think I'm thin enough already. Y'know I BS a lot, I'm all talk. I don't mean all the 'bad' stuff that I talk about. People believe what they want to believe and that's okay with me. Dunno, I only know my own truth and that's all it matters really. I look at my life, do I want to live for another 37 years? Not sure, and it's not like I'll have grandchildren. Though one really shouldn't 'live' for their grandchildren either, or anyone! Only live for yourself and the angels around you. You talk to fill the spaces inbetween.

The puzzle pieces are indecipherable. Don't really know what I'm doing but I'm doing it. Most people go through life not knowing, knowing. Kinda spooky yet kinda nice. I think at times it's better not to know. Life can be a real bitch and slaps you in the face, but she can be a dear friend, too. A pretty, dainty thing.

More Than This

Ah, I remember my very first time dropping acid with my good friend [ironic innit?] Martin, back in the early 90's, I first heard this song... The combination of the two was wondrous and beautiful! I was amazed how true the lyrics hold to my heart! Very strange but not within reach. It was like putting these dream glasses on. The few times that I did acid, I was always with Martin, and we would drive up to Griffin Park everytime, find a good spot and just sit... overlooking the city, the skies and beyond. The trees were greener, the skies were bluer and the city was calmer...

I still look at life much the same way... See what I can see, learn what I can and maybe share whatever I have - if you want it... and be at that. Try not to look for too many answers but to appreciate what's I've been given... here and now.

Listening to the song now.... I never got to say goodbye to Martin. I miss him so.

"Goodbye Martin!"

MORE THAN THIS
I could feel at the time
There was no way of knowing
Fallen leaves in the night
Who can say where they're blowing?
As free as the wind
Hopefully learning
Why the sea on the tide
Has no way of turning

More than this
You know there's nothing
More than this
Tell me one thing
More than this
There's nothing

It was fun for a while
There was no way of knowing
Like a dream in the night
Who can say where we're going?
No care in the world
Maybe I'm learning
Why the sea on the tide
Has no way of turning

More than this
You know there's nothing
More than this
Tell me one thing
More than this
No, there's nothing
More than this, nothing
More than this
More than this, nothing

Text: Bryan Ferry